Sponge bath it is.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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