big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
