I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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