I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
