so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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