If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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