so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
