toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
