I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
