I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize