It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
