Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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