I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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