we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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