My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His hands were made for my vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
