From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I party with great urgency now.
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