So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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