you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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