So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
