Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
