took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
