you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
