I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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