My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
