I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
