dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
