One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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