only you would photoshop your dick
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
