i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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