I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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