quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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