you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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