I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
