So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
