Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
