I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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