So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
