i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
