i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
