Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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