forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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