So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
