I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
barbara walters just said penis...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
