Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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