She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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