tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
