I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
