Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
