You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
