come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
