Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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