At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
