i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
