Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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