His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
