Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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