I got chris browned last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
