If that was your dad, he is hot
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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