You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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