I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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