remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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