We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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