Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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