Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's just like the Real World with babies
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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