I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
